


You Can Ask for Help

by st_r_trk_fangasm



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Continuation, Domestic, Emotional Baggage, Ficlet, M/M, Panic Attacks, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21685102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_r_trk_fangasm/pseuds/st_r_trk_fangasm
Summary: After his first operation on his knees, James is anxious and can't sleep. Luckily he has an understanding bondmate.
Relationships: Mirror James T. Kirk/Mirror Spock
Kudos: 27





	You Can Ask for Help

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of ‘Another Few Years of Tyranny’.  
> or  
> I had a bit of anxiety last night and imagined how James would be feeling after his surgery.

Kirk lay in the hotel bed restlessly. He had barely slept two hours into the night. His chest was tight with anxiety. He could barely feel his legs after the operation. The doctor had repaired the tissues around his knees a few hours ago. He had refused to be put under, thus his lower half was numbed for the duration of the fix. The feeling was slowly returning, but he was also medicated so that the pain was numbed. 

He shifted a little, just to confirm that he still had control over them. His left thigh pained him more. He tried to keep still and control his breathing as his anxiety made itself obvious. He had to breathe through it or he’d be having a full on panic attack in minutes.

He was tired. He needed to sleep it off. It would pass.

His mind strayed easily with worry. What if he couldn’t walk again? He could never captain the enterprise again. They would take him for experimental fun. Then he’d be looking for a way to end it all. The idea made him want to swallow cyanide before any of it could happen.

His breathing was becoming erratic. He side eyed Spock who was asleep on his back beside him. Not wanting to wake him, he turned away from him slowly and tried once again to recenter himself.

His legs ached. It was such an odd feeling that he couldn’t help but be concerned. He shivered as he tried to slow his breathing. Every part of him wanted to throw off the blankets and pace around until the feeling passed. It was too warm, too constricting to stay put. He fought it, just as he fought the darker thoughts. He felt his heart beating too strongly in his chest. He breathed, eyebrows scrunched, jaw clenched, shoulders tense.

He was shaking the bed, he knew. He desperately did not want Spock to touch him at the moment. He wanted to lash out and he didn’t want it to be Spock who received it. It would only make him feel worse.

His muscles felt restless with adrenaline now and he was tempted to crawl out of bed and flop onto the plush carpet. He couldn’t walk, but he could at least be freed of the blankets suffocating him.

“James,” came Spock’s quiet voice. “Are you in pain?”

“No.” Kirk breathed erratically. Of course his vulcan would wake from the energy he was emitting. Infuriating. He breathed in shakily and exhaled, praying that Spock not touch him.

“Will you not divulge your concerns with me, t’hy’la?” Spock asked impassively. The only hint of concern was the term of vulcan endearment he so rarely used in conversation.  
“Can’t you read it through the bond?” Kirk bit back, his frustration forming tears that he fought back with years of practice. After a quiet moment, he felt Spock sit up and Kirk’s anxiety rose again.

Don’t touch me!

His mind was screaming, pleading to be freed from the prison that was his body right now.

Spock said nothing, nor did he touch him. Kirk felt the vulcan staring at him and knew that sleep would never be granted to him as things were. The human took a deep breath and loosened his shoulders, then his jaw. Exhaled. He inhaled again, focusing on those tense muscles, making sure they didn’t bundle up again. Exhaled.

Spock was still watching him, he knew.

He kept at it until he felt that he could look the vulcan in the eye without breaking. He checked over his shoulder. Spock sat propped on one arm, eyes locked on his. Kirk’s eyes shifted down.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he grumbled. Spock stayed where he was, not saying a word. “I mean it. Go back to sleep.”

Kirk turned away and tried to get comfortable again. Spock shifted too, but it was to turn the soft bed light on. Kirk growled, turning his face into his pillow. He listened aptly for Spock who was sitting up against the pillows. 

His heartbeat had yet to settle down and keeping his breathing subtle was difficult. He wanted to feign ease and knew if he didn’t, he would aggravate himself more.

What was Spock doing? Staring at him?

Kirk looked over to see his vulcan with his fingers steepled in thought. His eyes were half lidded which indicated that he was in a light trance. His breathing was long and at ease. Kirk frowned and closed his eyes, listening for the man’s breath. He synchronized with it easily and focused on that. 

He focused on Spock.

He was just about to nod off when Spock resettled on his back. The vulcan smiled softly at him and closed his eyes to sleep. James shifted over and lay his head on the man’s chest, arm thrown over comfortably. Spock moved his arm out of the way for him, then settled it softly on his back.

James was so grateful.

“I am yours, ashayam. You need only ask,” Spock assured.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kirk huffed, smiling into his bondmate’s skin.


End file.
